So, I’m in the grocery store, waiting in the checkout line and I see this magazine headline that says: “Jennifer Aniston is Bringing Sexy Back!”
That doesn’t even make sense.
As if we’ve just emerged from a time period when Sexy was out. Like parachute pants or something. Like we’ve all been running around thinking, “Ugh, Ryan Gosling, too sexy. Yuck. Find me a guy with Lego-Man hair and zero personality please. Oh, and brown teeth. That’s what I want.”
And that now—according to the latest media reports—Jennifer Aniston has decided to live on the edge, buck all societal norms, go against the grain and resurrect Sexy from it’s 10-year hiatus. Oh, and all of a sudden too, as if there was a time when Jen was not sexy? C’mon.
See, this is what happens when we let these phrases slide the first time around. Justin Timberlake is really the one to blame, but we were so distracted in 2006 by his voice alteration and the synthesizers, and we were just having too much fun dancing to his song to question the sanity of what we were singing along to.
J.T., try bringing something back that actually went away for a while.
You know what really needs Sexy back? Cod Fish. See? The name alone is like the least sexy thing you’ve ever heard, right? Plus, it didn’t help when Captain Hook completely buried any chance of this seafood redeeming itself by making Cod Fish synonymous with coward.
Exhibit A: Captain Hook Cod Fish Moment of Truth
In the face of death—under Peter Pan’s sword—Hook seriously considered that calling himself a Cod Fish could be the worse alternative.
So we’re bringing Sexy back to Cod Fish. Because it really IS when you think about it. It’s a Super Food so in the World of Food it’s the equivalent of Super Man—ripped, strong, and saving lives. Pretty sexy, huh?
Seriously, though, it’s a Super Food because it’s one of the healthiest foods on the planet. It’s such a rich source of Omega-3’s, Vitamin B-12, Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and Potassium, which means it’s making your heart and brain sexier by the minute (i.e. improving the function of your heart muscle, lowering your risk of heart attacks and strokes, lowering your cholesterol, improving your mood, and reducing the risk for depression, ADHD, Alzheimer’s, bi-polar disorder, and schizophrenia. Plus, studies have also shown it reduces your chances of getting kidney, colon, breast and prostate cancer along with arthritis, migraines and asthma).
Seriously, Google it.
Plus, it’s like a bullet-proof vest for your immune system (See Goddesses’ Trick to Not Getting Sick). Sick is definitely the opposite of Sexy.
So we’re bringing Sexy back to Cod with this recipe: COD CAKES OF THE GODDESSES. They’re just like crab cakes but made with Cod (so they’re way sexier on your budget, but just as hot to trot). I was inspired by D.K., my friend from college. Whenever a hot girl walks into a room, D.K. announces her arrival with a shout-out: “Yeah, cakes.”
You will never meet another person like D.K. Ever.
Recipe for: COD CAKES OF THE GODDESSES:
3/4 lb. fillet of Cod (skin removed)
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2/3 cup fresh parsley, finely chopped
2/3 cup green onions, sliced
2 eggs, lightly whisked
2/3 cup Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons bread crumbs
2 tablespoons olive oil
Before you do anything, cut your sexy Cod fillet into square chunks about the size of playing dice…
Then put the Cod in a bowl, drizzle with lemon juice and gently mix, to cover the pieces with the lemon juice. Put that bowl in the fridge. This allows the lemon juice to marinate and take out the “fishy” taste. Seriously, even people who say they don’t like fish will have the hots for these Cod Cakes of The Goddesses. See how the theme just continues?
Then chop the fresh parsley…finely…
and slice the green onions…
And whisk the eggs.
Then pull the bowl out of the fridge and add the parsley, the green onions, and then, the eggs.
Mix it up so the eggs coat everything in the bowl.
Then add the Parmesan cheese and bread crumbs to the bowl and mix gently.
When you do it in this order, it makes it easier for all the ingredients to stick together so your little cakes don’t fall apart later.
Put the bowl back in the refrigerator for about 15-20 minutes to make the mixture easier to work with. Use this time wisely. Like to lip sync “I’m Bringing Sexy Back” in front of the mirror, because unlike J.T., you actually ARE by following this Cod Cakes of The Goddesses recipe.
Then, when you’ve dropped your microphone, go back to your bowl and scoop up about 3 to 4 tablespoons of your mixture and roll it into a ball with you hands. And just keep smushing it gently until everything sticks together/nothing fall outs of it like a stray onion or something. Then flatten it out to make your little cake formation. Repeat until you’ve caked out all of your Cod.
Then pour the olive oil into a pan over medium to medium/high heat and let it heat up a bit. Just a few minutes. (The oil should be hot enough so that when the cakes hit the pan, they sizzle a bit, but not so hot that the oil starts to smoke, k?)
Then place your Cod cakes into the pan (try to give them enough room so they don’t stick to each other) and let them cook ’til they’re a gorgeous golden color (about 3 minutes on each side).